Monday, March 16, 2009

Rainbow Veins


High rise, veins of the avenue
Bright eyes and subtle variations of blue
Everywhere is balanced there like a rainbow above you
Street lights glisten on the boulevard
And cold nights make staying alert so hard
For heaven's sake, keep me awake so I won't be caught off guard
Clearly I am a passerby but I'll find a place to stay
Dear pacific day, won't you take me away?
Small town hearts of the New Year
Brought down by gravity, crystal clear
City fog and brave dialogue converge on the frontier
Make haste, I feel your heartbeat
With new taste for speed, out on the street
Find a road to a humble abode where both of our routes meet
The silver sound is all around and the colors fall like snow
The feeling of letting go, I guess we'll never know

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
Cuz your heart has a lack of color and we should've known
That we'd grow up sooner or later cuz we wasted all our free time alone

Your nerves gather with the altitude
Exhale the stress so you don't come unglued
Somewhere there is a happy affair, a ghost of a good mood
Wide eyed, panic on the getaway
The high tide could take me so far away
VCR's and motorcars unite on the Seventh Day
A popular gauge will measure the rage of the new Post-Modern Age
Cuz somewhere along the line all the decades align

We were the crashing whitecaps
On the ocean
And what lovely seaside holiday, away
A palm tree in Christmas lights
My emotion
Struck a sparkling tone like a xylophone
As we spent the day alone

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Freedom from the Bondage of Pain


Pain inside your heart as if something was trying to get in, but you can't let it. Piercing and stabbing you, but you can't do anything about it. The constant lump in your throat, suffocating your joy. Forgetting the past and moving forward is your supposed goal, but right now you can't seem to help but dwell on it. No one knows the prison of hurt you are trapped in, behind you mask of smiles. The constant raincloud following you around as a constant reminder of the unforgotten. Am I even seeking happiness at present? Or do I want to wallow in my own misery? The confusion of it all rings in your ears. My misery does not like company. It thrives on solitude, eating me out from the inside. There's no changing the clocks -going back and undoing. It's happened. It's over. It's too late. Old wounds never seem to heal completely. They find ways to break open once again, bringing back the familiar hurt and bondage. Is it the bondage to hurt that we fear? Or is it simply that we know nothing else. I am afraid of my hurt. Afraid to face it. Afraid to address it. Afraid to let go of it completely. Almost as if out of terror of new found pain, we stick to the old, the familiar. . . LET GO! We are bearing these burdens that we don't need to carry. God gives us a hope and a peace that passes ALL understanding. When we run to Him, He will lift these burdens from us and set us FREE! He gives us a love that surpasses all, and a future of hope and forgiveness. He can heal any wound, and fill our emptiness with His great love. We need not wallow in self-pity... we have hope!

Friday, March 13, 2009

life is easier in black and white

anything but lukewarm PLEASE!....... I want to feel things with a passion -not an inclination, I want to see things in eye-popping contrast -not gray, I want to be understood -but not predictable, I want to make a difference by being different, I want to do things others have only dreamed about, I want yes! or no! -not maybe... I don't want to blend in to everything else, I want to be RED in a sea of gray, I'm sick of the word "boring", I want to be anything but that. I want to find away to express things without numbing the meaning of my thoughts, I want there to be a way to share this with people, I want to SCREAM REALLY LOUD! or be -completely silent- I hate boring...

Sunday, March 8, 2009

a small broken book


Imagine your life as a book. Everything you've ever done put into writing and bound with a leather cover. Now imagine yourself in a little room with a table. On the table is a small book only big enough to hold 17 chapters. The book is bound in brown cracked leather, and on the front in tiny gold letters are the words "the book of Lindsey". As you have well guessed, it is the story of my life, each chapter representing every year I have lived so far. Some of the pages are illustrated with bright colors, and others are more worn, showing smudges where tears fell. Five pages near the end are dog-eared and almost unintelligible anymore due to the smudges and tears. Looking carefully you notice that the pages have been hastily torn from the book and then later someone came and carefully taped them back together. In the corner of the pages there are what appear to have been little smileys and hearts, happy things that were lovingly drawn there with care and then later became icons of sadness, unable to enjoy them any longer it was ripped apart from the other pages, and attempted to be forgotten. But broken as they may be, those pages represent a part of my life, and therefore remain in my book. Although I may wish to forget them, to wish they I could go back and erase everything, they stay in my book as a painful reminder of those days. Sadly you turn to the next page, on it you see written in a small rather shaky print are the words "How priceless is your unfailing love, oh God! People take refuge in the shadow or your wings." Psalm 36:7 Although sometimes there are parts of the book that are broken and painful to look at or read, you begin to notice how someone has gone through the book, wiped away any of the stains, and written in the most perfectly perfect way "I love you more than anything you could ever ask or imagine"... you stop a minute and think about it. Wow could it really be true that someone could have such unconditional love and care for that little broken book? Does the Creator of all the books care so much about each and every one of them with such utter devotion? Yes!... Now follow me with your imagination to another book, this one has your name on the cover, now open it up. Does it have the perfectly perfect "I love you more than you can ask or imagine" faithfully written through it? Have you given your book to the One that created it in the first place?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Blank Canvas


hmmm.... I suppose I'll just start typing something at random.......*cough* ....well I was reading a really dreadful story about a torture chamber, "the Pit and the Pendulum" by Poe, but I had to stop because it gave me "the freaks" as my little sister Amy would so perfectly put it :)..... *hehe* I just got up and closed the door because and open door right behind you is not something that would be desireable after reading something darkly depressing and haunting....... ooooooooooo shivers, I think I need a blanket to wrap around myself to make me less scared lol.... I don't know why I like to frighten myself so, I suppose it makes me feel adventurous and brave....anyways, I really feel like drawing something, something cute like a little porcupine or a puffin or something :P...so yeah I'm pretty much rambling right now (as you can tell)....BOO! haha bet I caught you off gaurd there didn't I ;)... yeah, that was pretty lame...omg! I know!... *hehe* having a little conversation with myself... so this has pretty much just been a day in the life of Lindsey's head... so yeah, I thought I should write another blog, but WHAT DO YA KNOW! my mind went ..... b-l-a-n-k....... like a canvas

Friday, February 6, 2009

Jane Austin

there's something delicious about good literature.... The words aren't just printed on the page, they play out in front of you, even after the book is long set aside, they chase your thoughts, and you are invited into a place where nothing around you is real, but everything in your head suddenly becomes lifesized... there's nothing like getting lost in a good romance novel, not the gushy type that is all roses and happiness, but one with well developed characters and clever dialogue, who have flaws and woes, and yet is more agreeable due to it's level of believability... Jane Austin captures the essence of that in her beautifully written books, the quotes of which are exquisite... her characters are complex and honestly portrayed with humor and passion, and the beauty of the language gives it a charming and delightful nature...

I found a great collection of quotes online (which saves me the time of finding and typing them out)... hopefully you enjoy them and possibly decide to read some of her books as well:)...

Who can forget the amazing put-downs to poor Darcy in "Pride & Prejudice?
"You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it."

And this?

"...I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry."

Or the deep sighs that are such a part of "Persuasion."

"A man does not recover from such a devotion of the heart to such a woman! -- He ought not - he does not."

And at the end of "Emma":

"If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more."

The light-hearted (but honest) observations:

"That would be the greatest misfortune of all! -- to find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate!"

And

"I am particularly unlucky in meeting with a person so well able to expose my real character, in a part of the world, where I had hoped to pass myself off with some degree of credit."

Both of which were from "Pride & Prejudice." Homespun wisdom could be found among the pages of "Northanger Abbey":

"Wherever you are you should always be contented, but especially at home, because there you must spend the most of your time."

Or

"An occasional momento of past folly, however painful, might not be without use."

Some of my favorite Jane Austen quotes:

Emma

"Respect for right conduct is felt by everybody.”

”It was a delightful visit; - perfect, in being much too short.”

"Emma denied none of it aloud, and agreed to none of it in private.”

"...she had the comfort of appearing very polite, while feeling very cross...”

"A man would always wish to give a woman a better home than the one he takes her from.”

"It is a great deal more natural than one would wish, that a young man, brought up by those who are proud, luxurious, and selfish, should be proud, luxurious, and selfish too.”

"Vanity working on a weak head, produces every sort of mischief.”

"...it is always incomprehensible to a man that a woman should ever refuse an offer of marriage. A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her.”

"Family connexions were always worth preserving...”

"There are secrets in all families, you know...”

"There is one thing, Emma, which a man can always do, if he chuses, and that is his duty; not by manoeuvring and finessing, but by vigour and resolution.”

”There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves.”

”Oh! I always deserve the best treatment, because I never put up with any other.”



Mansfield Park

"She was, she felt she was in the greatest danger of being exquisitely happy, while so many were miserable.”

"It will be a bitter pill to her; that is, like other bitter pills, it will have two moments ill-flavour, and then be swallowed and forgotten...”

"We have all a better guide in ourselves if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”

"...the most valuable knowledge we could any of us acquire - the knowledge of ourselves and of our duty...”

"Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure.”

"there certainly are not so many men of large fortune in the world, as there are pretty women to deserve them.”

"Good sense, like hers, will always act when really called upon...”

"Nothing ever fatigues me, but doing what I do not like.”

"...nobody minds having what is too good for them...”

"...one of those well-meaning people, who are always doing mistaken and very disagreeable things.”

"...to sit in the shade on a fine day, and look upon verdure, is the most perfect refreshment.”

"...a girl of fifteen! The very age of all others to need most attention and care, and put the cheerfullest spirits to the test.”

"We have all a better guide in ourselves if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.”

"...the most valuable knowledge we could any of us acquire - the knowledge of ourselves and of our duty.”

"She would hesitate, she would tease, she would condition, she would require a great deal but she would finally accept.”

"...there is not one in a hundred of either sex, who is not taken in when they marry...it is, of all transactions, the one in which people expect most from others, and are least honest themselves.”

"...people are never respected when they step out of their own proper sphere.”



Northanger Abbey

"...our pleasures in this world are always to be paid for...”

”To be always firm must be to be often obstinate.”

”...after all that romancers may say, there is no doing without money.”

”Where the heart is really attached, I know very well how little one can be pleased with the attentions of anybody else.”

"Let me only have the girl I like, say I, with a comfortable house over my head, and what care I for all the rest.”

"Give me but a little cheerful company, let me only have the company of the people I love, let me only be where I like and with whom I like, and the devil may take the rest, say I.”

"...one of that numerous class of females, whose society can raise no other emotion than surprise at there being any men in the world who could like them well enough to marry them.”

"It would be mortifying to the feelings of many ladies, could they be made to understand how little the heart of man is affected by what is costly or new in their attire...”

"...when you men have a point to carry, you never stick at anything.”

"No man is offended by another man's admiration for the woman he loves; it is the woman only who can make it a torment.”

"...our pleasures in this world are always to be paid for...”

"...man has the advantage of choice, woman only the power of refusal...”



Persuasion

"If there is any thing disagreeable going on, men are always sure to get out of it.”

"She hoped to be wise and reasonable in time; but alas! alas! she must confess to herself that she was not wise yet.”

"...there could have been no two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved.”

"Surely, if there be constant attachment on each side, our hearts must understand each other ere long.”

"How quick come the reasons for approving what we like.”

"...the art of knowing our own nothingness beyond our own circle...”

"...in that inconvient tone of voice which was perfectly audible while it pretended to be a whisper...”

"I am not one of those who neglect the reigning power to bow to the rising sun.”

"It was, perhaps, one of those cases in which advice is good or bad only as the event decides.”

"'My idea of good company...is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversa tion; that is what I call good company.' 'You are mistaken,' said he gently, 'that is not good company, that is the best.'”

"Every thing united in him; good understanding, correct opinions, knowledge of the world, and a warm heart.”



Pride & Prejudice

"You are too sensible a girl...to fall in love merely because you are warned against it.”

"...can I be happy,...in accepting a man whose sisters and friends are all wishing him to marry elsewhere?”

"Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”

"A young man...so easily falls in love with a pretty girl for a few weeks, and when accident separates them, so easily forgets her.”

"Till this moment, I never knew myself.”

"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love tomatrimony ina moment.”

"It is very often nothing but our own vanity that deceives us. Women fancy admiration means more than it does.”

"That would be the greatest misfortune of all! - to find a man agreeable whom one is determined to hate!”

"I have been mediating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.”

"...never had she so honestly felt that she could have ever loved him, as now, when all love must be in vain.”

"There is, I believe, in every disposition a tendency to some particular evil, a natural defect, which not even the best education can overcome.”

"...angry people are not always wise...”

"...there are very few of us who do not cherish a feeling of self-complacency on the score of some quality or other, real or imaginary.”

"...disguise of every sort is my abhorrence.”

"Those who do not complain are never pitied.”

"One cannot wonder that so very fine a young man, with family, fortune, every thing in his favour, should think highly of himself.”

"It was consoling, that he should know she had some relations for whom there was no need to blush.”

"...they parted at last with mutual civility, and possibly a mutual desire of never meeting again.”

"...for what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?”

"...the commonest, dullest, most threadbare topic might be rendered interesting by the skill of the speaker.”

"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similiar before-hand, it does not advance their felicity in the least.”



Sense & Sensibility

"[he] is a man...whom every body speaks well of, and nobody cares about; whom all are delighted to see, and nobody remembers to talk to.”

"With such a reward for her tears, the child was too wise to cease crying.”

"...misery such as mine has no pride. I care not who knows that I am wretched.”

"Dulness is a much produced within doors as without, by rain. It makes one detest all one's acquaintance.”

"Some people were always cross when they were hot.”

"It would be an excellent match, for he was rich and she was handsome.”

"The old, well-established grievance of duty against will, parent against child.”

"...we always know when we are acting wrong...”

"I am convinced that there is a vast deal of inconsistency in almost every human character.”

"The old, well-established grievance of duty against will, parent against child.”

"His temper might perhaps be a little soured by finding, like many others of his sex, that through some unaccountable bias in favour of beauty, he was the husband of a very silly woman.”

"You have made your own choice. It ws not forced on you. Your wife has a claim to your politeness, to your respect, at least.”

"...we always know when we are acting wrong...”

"I wish as well as every body else to be perfectly happy; but like every body else it must be in my own way.”

"...I did not then know what it was to love.”

Friday, December 19, 2008

I am the invisible



Life is like a pane of glass
I can see but can't touch

I am apart

I am the invisible



I can scream and not be heard
my voice is no more

I am silent

I am the invisible



Voices, feelings, thoughts pass by me
they are not a part of me


I am numb

I am the invisible


I want to know
I want to feel, touch, embrace
I want to be seen
I want to be heard and understood

I want to live

I am the invisible