Today.... kinda hard... kinda stressful..... kinda depressed...... it was after a long rehearsal, I was sore, disgustingly sweaty and completely exhausted... I was heading back to my dorm for quiet time (which usually means a nap), when I felt the urge to read my bible. Ever have that feeling that God is nudging you to do something? Well that's how it was... I was like "ohhh come on! I'm so tired! Whyyy do I have to read my bible now??? Why can't I just pick it up later????" I was getting kinda frustrated, but I finally gave in and picked up my bible study booklet to prepare for the lesson I have to lead Monday... I started reading, and God sent waves of peace and refreshment over me. Not only was I well rested at the end of quiet time, I was filled with an unexplainable joy! It was incredible! And I really couldn't wait to get back to my bible study. I was excited about God, and I was excited to be excited about God:) Pretty awesome.....

What a wonderful day for a picnic
What a picnical day for a lark
We shall frolic all day in the happiest way
And we won't get back home until dark!

Good times:) It's an absolutely glorious day out. The sun is smiling, the grass is green and friendly, and the air is filled with the sounds of chirping birds and the annoying and yet comfortably familiar buzz of lawnmowers proclaiming the coming of summer. *sigh* I wish I could freeze with moment in my mind wrap it up and carry it with me for always. It's the perfect sort of day where you could enjoy a splendid walk, kick back and be lazy and simply soak in the cheerful vibes of the atmosphere. *smile*

I AM NOT AN IDIOT! I am not ugly or stupid or worthless or any of the others that I'm daily reminded of. There is no way to become "immune" to hurt. You can pretend to be. Locking it all away into the darkest, smallest, more obscure closet in your heart. But it's there nonetheless. Poking at you and pricking you with daily reminders. They want me to fail, they want me to be hurt, and they want me to give up, surrender. I can't live like this. I am breaking. I'm hurting. And I'm sick and tired. I will not give up, I will stand strong, I will not give up, I will not give up, I will not give up...I'm groping on the edge of a canyon, the rocks are biting into my fingers as I struggle to get my feet back on steady ground. I am praying for a miracle, a superior strength to rescue me. IDIOT! You're worthless... you mean nothing... you're stupid, you're ugly, no one cares, just give up, you are nothing........HELP!!! God give me the strength! I can't do this alone! Please rescue me from this! I need you... please......... Don't give up my precious daughter, I love you more than you can ask or imagine. You are my jewel, my most precious treasure, and I love you with an undying love that you cannot fathom. You were created in My own image, and you are beautiful. You are mine. I am on your side and with Me you can never fail..................................
...... No one cares about you, no one loves you, you're stupid, worthless, idiot...why don't you accept it.... everyone knows it's true... even you... NO! NO! It's not true! God give me strength! I'm struggling under this burden!!!...... I am here, and I love you soooooo much... Let me bandage your wounds for you, let me pick you up and carry you, let me take you to a higher ground, a resting place, everything is alright now. I'm here my daughter, I love you...You don't need to worry, I'm here...for always and forever :)

Art in Motion

Dancing is art in motion... a stage is a blank canvas that a choreographer used to create a masterpiece..... we are the dancers -the paint to the canvas- each one a bringing a different color to the picture...

Rainbow Veins

High rise, veins of the avenue
Bright eyes and subtle variations of blue
Everywhere is balanced there like a rainbow above you
Street lights glisten on the boulevard
And cold nights make staying alert so hard
For heaven's sake, keep me awake so I won't be caught off guard
Clearly I am a passerby but I'll find a place to stay
Dear pacific day, won't you take me away?
Small town hearts of the New Year
Brought down by gravity, crystal clear
City fog and brave dialogue converge on the frontier
Make haste, I feel your heartbeat
With new taste for speed, out on the street
Find a road to a humble abode where both of our routes meet
The silver sound is all around and the colors fall like snow
The feeling of letting go, I guess we'll never know

Cheer up and dry your damp eyes and tell me when it rains
And I'll blend up that rainbow above you and shoot it through your veins
Cuz your heart has a lack of color and we should've known
That we'd grow up sooner or later cuz we wasted all our free time alone

Your nerves gather with the altitude
Exhale the stress so you don't come unglued
Somewhere there is a happy affair, a ghost of a good mood
Wide eyed, panic on the getaway
The high tide could take me so far away
VCR's and motorcars unite on the Seventh Day
A popular gauge will measure the rage of the new Post-Modern Age
Cuz somewhere along the line all the decades align

We were the crashing whitecaps
On the ocean
And what lovely seaside holiday, away
A palm tree in Christmas lights
My emotion
Struck a sparkling tone like a xylophone
As we spent the day alone

Freedom from the Bondage of Pain

Pain inside your heart as if something was trying to get in, but you can't let it. Piercing and stabbing you, but you can't do anything about it. The constant lump in your throat, suffocating your joy. Forgetting the past and moving forward is your supposed goal, but right now you can't seem to help but dwell on it. No one knows the prison of hurt you are trapped in, behind you mask of smiles. The constant raincloud following you around as a constant reminder of the unforgotten. Am I even seeking happiness at present? Or do I want to wallow in my own misery? The confusion of it all rings in your ears. My misery does not like company. It thrives on solitude, eating me out from the inside. There's no changing the clocks -going back and undoing. It's happened. It's over. It's too late. Old wounds never seem to heal completely. They find ways to break open once again, bringing back the familiar hurt and bondage. Is it the bondage to hurt that we fear? Or is it simply that we know nothing else. I am afraid of my hurt. Afraid to face it. Afraid to address it. Afraid to let go of it completely. Almost as if out of terror of new found pain, we stick to the old, the familiar. . . LET GO! We are bearing these burdens that we don't need to carry. God gives us a hope and a peace that passes ALL understanding. When we run to Him, He will lift these burdens from us and set us FREE! He gives us a love that surpasses all, and a future of hope and forgiveness. He can heal any wound, and fill our emptiness with His great love. We need not wallow in self-pity... we have hope!

life is easier in black and white

anything but lukewarm PLEASE!....... I want to feel things with a passion -not an inclination, I want to see things in eye-popping contrast -not gray, I want to be understood -but not predictable, I want to make a difference by being different, I want to do things others have only dreamed about, I want yes! or no! -not maybe... I don't want to blend in to everything else, I want to be RED in a sea of gray, I'm sick of the word "boring", I want to be anything but that. I want to find away to express things without numbing the meaning of my thoughts, I want there to be a way to share this with people, I want to SCREAM REALLY LOUD! or be -completely silent- I hate boring...